Housework and childcare are among the top things that couples in long-term relationships fight about. In any relationship that’s built upon mutual respect and trust, there’s a need to find a balance that works for both partners, not just one of them. If one side works, does all the chores, and has to take care of the kids on top of everything, it’ll lead to lots of resentment and frustration.

Case in point, redditor u/AdditionFamiliar655 recently made a big splash on the AITA online community after sharing how she taught her stay-at-home husband, who sleeps all day, a lesson he’ll never forget. The working mom fake kidnapped their baby after learning that he doesn’t take care of her. Read on for the full story.

Bored Panda reached out to the author of the post, u/AdditionFamiliar655. The redditor gave us a very important update about what happened next. She shared that she has finally left her husband and that her baby is safe. Scroll down for our full interview with the OP.

Both partners in a relationship should find ways to contribute their fair share of effort when it comes to childcare and housework

One woman shared how she resorted to a fake kidnapping of her own infant in order to teach her stay-at-home husband a lesson

“I reported my husband for neglect because I want full custody. I filed for divorce, too”

Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)

The author of the post, u/AdditionFamiliar655, shared with Bored Panda that she isn’t a Reddit user and only created an account so that she could vent some of her anger at the entire situation. “I don’t want to give too much personal information, but I have officially left my husband,” she revealed to us.

“I would’ve left him years ago but I was scared to live independently,” she said.

“He lost his job years ago because he was injured at work, it wasn’t serious but he claimed mental distress and he gets $1,700 a month in disability, which he uses to buy things for himself,” the woman told us.

“When I asked him to clean he always messes up. Breaks things, stains things, burns things… it was easier to do it myself. His mom did come over a few times to clean after I gave birth.”

The OP shared some more information on what happened after she posted on Reddit. “I reported my husband for neglect because I want full custody. I filed for divorce, too,” she opened up to Bored Panda.

“And a person from Reddit who owns a daycare and lives nearby agreed to take my daughter. She worked out a great deal with me,” u/AdditionFamiliar655 said. “I never want to see my ex again, I also suspect that he was cheating on me, but I don’t care.”

Ideally, couples should feel like they’re a team looking for a compromise

Redditor u/AdditionFamiliar655 felt guilty about what she did, especially after her husband and other family members called her out for the fake kidnapping. That’s why she turned to the AITA community to get their verdict.

Most of the community stood in support of the working mom, telling her that she did nothing wrong. In their opinion, the dad should step up his game and do more to take care of the baby. They were also worried that something bad might actually happen to the infant while he was sleeping and ignoring her.

Ideally, nobody should resort to fake kidnapping kids in order to solve their marital problems. There’s no real alternative to open and honest communication—sitting down and talking about a specific issue in the relationship that’s making you lose sleep. However, how you broach the subject—whether it’s about how you raise your kids or sharing the burden of chores at home—will determine whether the discussion ends in a compromise or a huge argument.

During your talk with your loved one, your primary goal should be to solve the issue, not complain about your partner’s behavior or show just how wrong they are. Attacking your partner is only going to make them defensive and less willing to look for solutions.

“Once you’re in the problem-solving phase, take a collaborative approach. Spend some time brainstorming ways to solve the problem and don’t judge each other’s ideas. Then, mutually pick one that sounds like a good compromise to both of you and commit to trying it out,” neuropsychologist Judy Ho, Ph.D., told NBCNews.

The psychologist also advises avoiding hyperbolic terms. Telling someone that they ‘always’ do something and ‘never’ do something else doesn’t leave much room for discussion. And having your character attacked isn’t an enjoyable experience. Instead, it helps if you focus on sharing how their actions made you feel. This adds a bit of subtlety and nuance to the argument and your partner should be more willing to hear you out.

And speaking of hearing others out, it’s imperative that both sides do their very best to actively listen to each other’s perspectives (even if they think they’re blameless and the other party is entirely in the wrong). At the end of the day, you’re supposed to be a team. You’re on the same side and this is just one in a series of arguments that you’ll have to navigate throughout your lives. It really helps if you’re able to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.

Dividing up the childcare and the chores in a way that makes sense to both partners is a practical necessity

Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

“What often happens is that we are so heated in an argument, we latch on to one word or a phrase and begin to develop our defense without hearing the entirety of what the other person is saying. We then respond to a portion of what was said and miss the majority of the content. This just perpetuates and escalates the argument,” professional counselor Mark Mayfield, Ph.D. explains.

Meanwhile, try to end the argument on a more positive note that shows you’ve made progress. “Wrap up the argument with something encouraging that acknowledges something good the person did in the process. For example, ‘I appreciate you listening to my concerns today,’ or ‘I’m grateful we have an open communication line so I can honestly express my feelings,’” neuropsychologist Ho advises.

Psychology Today notes that the top six things that couples disagree over include chores and responsibilities, inadequate attention or affection, jealousy and infidelity, sex, control and dominance, as well as future plans and money.

As we’ve touched upon earlier on Bored Panda, dividing up the chores in a fair way is a practical necessity in any relationship. One partner is going to feel like they’re working a second job as a nanny if they’re left to do the lion’s share of housework and childcare, even if they’re working full time.

One thing that really helps here is for both partners to write down all of the chores that they absolutely hate and the ones that they don’t really mind doing all that much. That way, they can both find what they can do without grumbling too much. It really helps to be realistic here because someone who comes back home after a 12-hour shift in the coal mines might not have the energy to do anything more than wash the dishes and take out the trash. Each couple has to find what genuinely works for them.

Meanwhile, if housework and childcare are a constant thorn in the side, it might be worth investing in a proper daycare, a nanny, or hiring someone to clean the house from time to time. It might cost a bit more money than doing everything yourself, however, it may give you some peace of mind if you’re not constantly arguing over everything.